It's not unusual for the average person to stop by a fast food eatery, It’s also not unusual to have some digestive issues associated with mass quantities of low-quality food. However, on my latest trip to an unnamed fast-food establishment, that has served billions, I received something that I can only be described as a poisoned burger. A mundane order of two cheeseburgers they see hundreds of times a day, the interactions with the staff were uneasy… maybe uneasy is the wrong word. It was peculiar which can be hard to pick up on with these seemingly insignificant interactions that we have daily whether it be our morning coffee or a quick bite for lunch on a busy day that leaves your mind preoccupied. If it wasn’t for the visceral reaction that the burger put me on the receiving end of it would have probably been a rather insignificant part of my day as well. Maybe It was listeria, maybe it was something else. All I know is that I can't recall a time eating something that curdled my stomach exponentially with each bite before I knew it was hurling a retched poison burger that would be unfit for consumption at Guantanamo Bay. Maybe it was old food, maybe it was improper handling or maybe just maybe it was a poisoned burger.
I'm a smoker, it's not something I'm proud or ashamed about. It's just something I am, like people who drink coffee or don't It's just another box I belong to. I just happen to be in the smoking section of that box, that people so like to put me into, are you this or that Et cetera. I know a lot of people who particularly dislike the smell of Cigarette smoke, the smell of cigarettes always evokes strong feelings of nostalgia for me. My dad who is no longer with us was a lifetime smoker who always smelled like old spice and camel blues. The smell of cigarettes tether me to a person that I can no longer be with. Every time I light up a cigarette and the smoke envelopes me it's like a hug from my father and he is still with me. While smoking there is always a thought that comes to mind, It's my mortality and how finite our stop in this strange place is. I think about how when you first light a cigarette it feels like it’s going to last forever; the first couple of inhales are the hardest just like being born. As you inhale and exhale your next couple of puffs you enter childhood, bright and energetic. Then you slowly catch your rhythm and breath only to realize how fast life goes, you're an adult now. you're life isn't over but you're far from the dough-eyed kid you used to be, as you close your eyes to collect your thoughts while pulling the lit cigarette gently resting between your fingers away from your pursed lips. You open your eyes to flick away the ashes of everything that's now become your past, with that flick you realize that you’re older again now and things are moving faster than they ever could. Just like the ember creeping to its demise, you're the ash getting colder holding on to the only things you know before the inevitable snuffing.
As it started to warm up, there has been an increase in ants and flies. Naturally , I began to think about why ants and flies are so different-not in the way an entomologist thinks about bugs, but more in a mental way and how differently they interact with the world around them. Then I shifted my perspective and considered how some people in my life could more accurately be characterized as either an ant or a fly . If you think about ants, they live in a rigid framework of society that dictates their lives from the very beginning, much like a child growing up with military parents. This ingrained discipline creates the best workers; they listen well, walk straight, and do everything with intent and purpose. On the other hand, you have limited structure and ultimate freedom; this does not create the best workers, but it creates this whirling, buzzing, out-of-the-lines creature. What it lacks in purpose and drive, it makes up for with great vision and the means to find its own path . The fly doesn't need direction; all it needs is space to operate and time to figure things out. The best example that comes to mind is the people you went to high school with. The valedictorian is more akin to the ant, while the intelligent slacker is more akin to the fly. The valedictorian is very much an A to B type of thinker: do well on my assignments, get a good GPA, go to a good college, get a good job. There is nothing wrong with that type of thinking, but it requires long-term planning and discipline . On the other side, you have the slacker, who, while smart, lacks a system to encourage discipline and long-term thinking. However, they often find themselves in passions that require more creativity and less linear thinking. The slacker does just enough to graduate, focuses more on passions than assignments, bounces around until they find their niche, and paves their own way. It all boils down to the environment you are raised in and what the individual gravitates toward . Neither is bad; it's just what you are inclined to value . If you look around, you can observe where people fall on the spectrum of ants versus flies .
This is just a place for me to share my thoughts, there is no end goal in mind with this. It's mostly just a mental dumping grounds, that being said I hope you find some of this interesting and insightful. I know that my individual thoughts and reflections aren't a terribly specifc theme or overarching direction, I just wanted to make a space to talk about the little thoughts and brain twinges. That we all have everyday.