The Fool's Errand

I'm a smoker, it's not something I'm proud or ashamed about. It's just something I am, like people who drink coffee or don't It's just another box I belong to. I just happen to be in the smoking section of that box, that people so like to put me into, are you this or that Et cetera. I know a lot of people who particularly dislike the smell of Cigarette smoke, the smell of cigarettes always evokes strong feelings of nostalgia for me. My dad who is no longer with us was a lifetime smoker who always smelled like old spice and camel blues. The smell of cigarettes tether me to a person that I can no longer be with. Every time I light up a cigarette and the smoke envelopes me it's like a hug from my father and he is still with me. While smoking there is always a thought that comes to mind, It's my mortality and how finite our stop in this strange place is. I think about how when you first light a cigarette it feels like it’s going to last forever; the first couple of inhales are the hardest just like being born. As you inhale and exhale your next couple of puffs you enter childhood, bright and energetic. Then you slowly catch your rhythm and breath only to realize how fast life goes, you're an adult now. you're life isn't over but you're far from the dough-eyed kid you used to be, as you close your eyes to collect your thoughts while pulling the lit cigarette gently resting between your fingers away from your pursed lips. You open your eyes to flick away the ashes of everything that's now become your past, with that flick you realize that you’re older again now and things are moving faster than they ever could. Just like the ember creeping to its demise, you're the ash getting colder holding on to the only things you know before the inevitable snuffing.